I Hate You
by i'm so hollow
Summary: three simple yet hurtful words...or is it? how hate becomes love... Robrae fic


I am so sorry for the delay of like, 3 years? whatever, anyway, I'm here with a new story hope you enjoy and please don't roast me alive! (Runs away from angry mob)

The reasons for my delay are 1) senior year and graduation, and 2) college! I'm a sophomore now in BS Physical Therapy. Yeah, yeah it's a weird course and all but it'll pay the bills!

Back to the fic! The italicized parts meant that it came from Raven's diary entry.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own the Teen Titans and if I did, well, my parents wouldn't like it, eh?

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_Dear Diary,_

_I've always known I would bring the world to an end ever since the monks told me about it. At first, I didn't want to believe it but when the truth of my identity was revealed to me, I realized my purpose was to usher death, destruction, and evil._

Raven quietly watched the other Titans play volleyball in the roof. She had offered herself as referee to avoid being a player or worse, Beastboy's teammate. Cyborg spiked the ball towards the center of the opposite team but Starfire received it in blinding speed. The ball ricocheted upwards and Beastboy turned to a beaver, used Cyborg as a boost, and struck the ball using his tail. The ball changed course and would have given them a point except Robin was there to save the ball. Raven felt the usual feeling she gets at seeing or feeling him near. He tossed the ball towards Starfire who in turn passed it towards Robin. Robin jumped and spiked the ball, which accurately hit the space before the boundary.

The perfect set.

"27-25. Robin and Starfire won." Raven announced in a deadpan tone with a bored look. She has a reason to because it has been the fifth set and they already deuced. They started at 12:00 pm and now, the afternoon sun is already catching up to them. Starfire yipped while Robin gave out a victory yell. Cyborg shook hands with Robin for having a good game but Beastboy was doubtful.

"What? The ball was out. Out!" Beastboy frantically protested.

"You wanna go to another dimension?" Raven menacingly threatened with an expert glare that meant shut-up-or-die.

"Uh…who wants tofu?" Beastboy changed the topic, flinching at Raven's glare, to have a _decent_ excuse to go downstairs.

"Man, nobody wants your tofu!" Cyborg went after him. Raven massaged her temples knowing another bloody and useless meat-tofu war was going to start soon.

"Oh friends! I will prepare the buffet of victory. Friends Robin and Raven, please hurry when the food is ready. Beastboy and Cyborg might finish it and leave nothing for you." Starfire merrily chirped. Robin sweatdropped at the notion of Beastboy and Cyborg finishing Starfire's buffet, let alone a spoonful of her food. Raven grimaced and proceeded to arrange the roof. She let her hood down, assuming that Robin would follow Starfire downstairs.

"Uh…you should go prepare now Star, we'll be there later." Robin suggested and Starfire flew downstairs with a 100-watt grin. Raven froze for a moment but proceeded with her activity.

_I wished I was never born._

Raven and Robin quietly arranged the roof after the wild volleyball match. When they finished, Robin watched Raven walk to the edge of the roof and levitated in her meditation position. She silently wished that he would just go and leave her be. Since their time alone, she could feel the tension in the air. He looked from side-to-side as if unsure of what to do, and then took a deep breath and approached Raven.

"Raven? May I talk with you?" Robin asked. Raven sighed tiredly.

"You just did boy wonder." Raven stated matter-of-factly and faced Robin. Robin laughed idiotically with a goofy smile.

_That was it. I __wished_. _The Titans changed all that._

"You looked…distracted during the game. Is there something you're thinking about? Or you want to talk about?" Robin asked worriedly and unconsciously, expectedly. Raven tried to stop the fluttering inside her.

_Well, __he__ changed all that._

"It's nothing. I always think. I _have_ to think, Robin." Once again, she outworded him. She silently tsked at her defense mechanism. To her, sarcasm is like her soul-self; a shield and an intimidating disguise.

"What I mean is, is there something wrong?" Robin persisted. Raven sighed irritatingly.

"I said it's _nothing." _It was obvious she was trying not to go berserk. Raven tried to pass him but Robin held her arm gently yet firmly. She avoided facing Robin because her blushing face would mean something _else_ is wrong.

_But sometimes, I just hate him._

"Look Raven, you've been like this for weeks now. I know when something's wrong with you. Maybe talking would loosen you up." Robin tried to look at her but Raven kept avoiding his eyes. She cringed when he said he knows what's up with her. She hated the truthfulness of his words. Her control was slipping away.

_Why does he always know me so well? Why does he care? I sometimes wish I never entered his mind. But even when they knew about my heritage, he trusted me. I hate him for knowing me too much. I hate him for trusting me too much. I hate him for caring for me._

She took a deep breath and looked him in the eye.

_I hate __myself__ for loving him._

"You," Raven growled deep, directly looking him in the eye. Robin had a startled and questioning look on his face.

"Huh?" he asked unintelligently.

"You," Raven growled deeper with her pointer finger pressed on his chest.

"**I…**"

Raven walked forward causing Robin to walk backwards. She could feel the tower shaking.

"**Hate…**"

She said the word with growing intensity. She thought she imagined the seawater tides making a tremedous splash even when it was low tide.

"**YOU!**"

She shouted at his shocked face. Raven grew more irritated at his reaction and ventilated at him. She walked back and forth not caring what her powers were causing.

"I hate you because you look like a walking traffic light. I hate your spiky hair. I hate your pick-up lines and 'Titans go!' shout. I hate your stupid smirk and your endless nights' researching for God knows what. I hate your crazy obsession of Slade and the enemies who defeated us. I hate you for knowing what I feel. I hate you for trusting me even when I keep secrets from you and the Titans. I hate you for caring for me and…"

She paused, stopped her pacing, and looked at Robin with all her barriers down. She walked towards him and shouted.

"I hate YOU for making _me_ feel!" she shouted at him. Now, with renewed vigor, she started another tirade.

"I hate how you make me feel things I shouldn't feel. I hate how you make me want. I hate how you make me push myself to the limits. I hate how you make me feel worthy and most of all, I **HATE** how **YOU** make **ME** love you!" she finished with a heavy puff of air but with a broken voice and she could swear she felt the static in the air drop.

_I imagined myself telling him my feelings but 90% of what I imagined to be the possible outcomes would be a loss for me. He would go with Star, or some other Earthling like him, or not have any relationships at all because of his heroics._

Robin stared. Raven stared. She figured that if she were to let it all out, he wouldn't feel the same about her. She felt heaviness in her chest and forced her tears from pouring out. She quickly faced away and tried to teleport to her room but Robin held her in place preventing her from leaving. His arms in front of her and his face pressed against the back of her head.

They stayed in that position for what felt like a lifetime for Raven. Finally, she composed herself and was about to tell Robin that what she said was pointless and that they should act like nothing happened but Robin spoke first.

"I'm sorry." Robin spoke through her hair. She could feel his hot breath tickling her nape, his warmth literally encompassing her. Judging by the way he spoke, Raven thought he was sorry for not having the same feelings for her. Her throat dried and felt burdened again.

_I always knew rejection. I've had it throughout my childhood. _

"That's okay. I don't expect you to feel the same way-" she was cut off when Robin turned her and forced her to face him.

"No." He stated with firm determination set in his face. Somehow, when Raven's back was turned on him, he took off his mask to reveal eyes that had seen and held so much. And for the first time, Raven saw his eyes; stormy yet crystal clear, blue and shining with emotion. She could do nothing but stare at him directly, marvelling how his eyes revealed the boy, no, man behind the hero. She saw the Richard Grayson that was bossy but caring, cocky but confident, serious but playful, silent but passionate.

_But that remaining 10%, I imagined that he felt somehow the same for me. Even for a little. _

"I'm sorry for not realizing sooner. I should have paid more attention. And I'm sorry for making you feel this." His hand, which she realized was ungloved, God knows when he took it off, caressed the side of her face and wiping a tear peeking at the side of her eye.

_Even for someone like me, I can still hope._

"And I'm sorry for not saying it sooner." He grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it. His firm blue eyes stared at her startled violet ones.

"I love you, Raven." He told her with resolution in his voice, not caring what his declaration did to her emotions; the breeze was stronger, the tides were bigger, and the quake of earth was impossible to ignore. Finally, Raven gained composure and she took a deep breath and looked at Robin with uncertain eyes.

"Robin, what about the Titans, my powers, my problems? I don't want to share my problems with you. I'm sorry I said it in the first place." She tried to tug herself free but Robin only brought her closer.

"No, Raven, please give me a chance to make you feel happy, even if you'll hate me for it. I don't care what the others think and I'm willing to help you. We can work this out, please believe me?" He pleaded her with sincerity in his eyes and a small smile wishing her to say yes.

Raven looked in his honest eyes. The more she looked, the more she wanted to believe him. She wanted this, didn't she? This was a chance for her to revel in her wish even if it was risky. She couldn't say anything, her mind tried to come up with witty or sweet replies but she was too dumbstruck about the turn of events. So she did what she could only think of.

She hugged him.

Robin was surprised about the reaction but gladly welcomed her body. He hugged her back, smiling happily. They stayed in that position until Raven said something unusual.

"The net," Raven said in a muffled voice through his chest.

Robin released her a bit and looked at her quizzically. Raven pointed towards the net they forgot to take down.

"We forgot to get the net down," Robin stared at her then laughed. Laughed so hard he almost couldn't breathe. Raven looked at him worriedly and stayed close to him.

When he gained control, he looked at her with laughter still evident in his eyes, his mouth still in an upward curve. He grabbed her hand with his ungloved one.

"I like us 'we'," he remarked causing Raven to blush. By now, the sunset was on the horizon shining its brilliant rays upon the city.

"Thank you, Richard."

_It has been a year since that meeting. Just yesterday, he asked me out on a date for today. He showed me two tickets to an intercollegiate volleyball match where we'll be rooting for his former highschool. _

_To say that as coincidental, I don't think so. _


End file.
